Harry Potter and the Shaman's Rock
by TheThestral
Summary: An AU where (nearly) everything is flipped upside down (or changed). Sorry for the bad summary
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Mr. Dursley worked for a firm called Grinnings, which made nails. He was a thin, reedy man with far more neck than was natural on a body, although he did have a very small, toothbrush-sized mustache. Mrs. Dursley was fat, a brunette and had nearly no neck, although she could have done with one, as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the

neighbors. The Dursleys had a small daughter called Rose and in their opinion there wasn't a prettier girl anywhere.

The Dursleys were very poor, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. They may have been poor, but they had a _reputation_ to uphold, and the Potters would have ruined it. The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Rose mixing with a child like that.

When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the bright, sunny Wednesday our story ends, there was nothing about the clear sky outside to suggest that nothing interesting would soon be happening all over the of them noticed a large, tawny owl _not_ flutter past the window.

Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her son and how Rose had learned a new word ("Please?"). When Rose had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:

"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls have been expected to flock in daylight in a rare occurrence occurring only once every 10 years, there have been hundreds of sighting of owls flying into cave. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their behaviour patterns." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Global Warming is being blamed."

Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. Once they had been drunk, they went upstairs to bed.

While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat had vanished.

Wait, what cat?

Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of - well, he didn't think he could bear it.

The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and . The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on - he yawned and turned over- it couldn't affect them...

Wait, why was he blaming the Potters?


	2. Chapter 2

Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but a woman far away in Scotland was showing no sign of sleepiness. She was sitting as still as a statue in her chair in the staff room, her eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far door. She didn't so much as quiver when the staff room door was slammed as one by one, the teachers went to bed. In fact, it was nearly midnight before Professor McGonagall moved at all.

A man walked into the room.

"The Potters?" whispered the professor, to the short, fat, and rather young wizard.

He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. This man's name was Tenebris Noctumbra. He didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a room where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something.

"Dead"

The professor gasped, and looked sadly down at the floor.

"And You-Know-Who?"

"Vanished. The son is in safe hands, Minerva. His aunt and uncle have a daughter. He will make a nice addition to the family. By the morning, I am sure, the United Kingdom of Wizardry with be back to normal, and Harry potter all but forgotten. He will grow up according to his mother and father's wishes, a foot in both worlds. With any luck, he will not become another Voldemort. You will see him in ten years."

"And Albus?"

"He will become the new saviour of the Wizarding world."

Far away, a breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by 's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would become famous, and that a hundred years from now, people would be holding up their glasses of firewhisky and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!"


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed.

Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of two children, a thin, wan, black haired boy, and a chubby blonde haired girl- but Rose Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a black haired boy riding his first bicycle, a blonde girl on a carousel at the fair, an older boy playing a computer game with his uncle, an older girl being hugged and kissed by her mother.

Harry Potter was there, asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day.

"Up! Get up! Now!"

Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.

"Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one.

There had been a flying motorcycle in it. He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before. His aunt was back outside the door.

"Are you up yet?" she demanded.

"Nearly," said Harry.

"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Rose's birthday."

Harry remembered.

Harry groaned.

"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.

"Nothing, nothing..."

Rose's birthday - how could he have forgotten? Harry got slowly out of bed and got dressed. When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Rose's birthday presents. Harry had always been small and skinny for his age. Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. He wore round glasses. The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning. He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it.

"I'll tell you when you're older" she had said.

Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.

"Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.

About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way - all over the place.

Harry was frying eggs by the time Rose arrived in the kitchen with her mother. Harry had no idea how two not-very-pretty, not-exactly-nice people had ended up with a child like Rose. He and Rose often wondered if she was adopted, which Harry privately thought was true.

Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room.

At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Rose unwrap her presents

"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy - any funny business, anything at all - and you'll be in real trouble from now until Christmas."

"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly."

But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. It was one of the curses of being magical

The problem was, Harry's magic made strange things happen around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't deliberately make them happen. Padfoot understood, though, and had told harry that on his eleventh birthday he could say goodbye to the Dursleys for at least seven years.

He couldn't wait.

On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Morgan's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors.

But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his room, or Padfoot's house.

While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to

Complain about things: people at work, Brexit, the council, the government, the

Bank, and Trump were just a few of his favourite subjects. This morning,

It was motorcycles.

"... Roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.

It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The

Dursleys bought Rose and Harry large chocolate ice creams at the zoo. Harry thought, licking his ice cream, that that gorilla looked remarkably like Morgan, except that it wasn't blond.

Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time

After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Rose wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. She quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a trash can - but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.

Rose stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.

"Does it move?" she asked at Harry. Uncle Vernon, overhearing, tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.

Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles again, but the snake just snoozed on.

"This is boring," Rose moaned. She shuffled away.

Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself – no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than living at the Dursley's, although he only had to spend alternate weeks there.

The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's.

It winked.

Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.

The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Rose, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:

"I get that all the time.

"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."

The snake nodded vigorously.

"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.

The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.

Boa Constrictor, Brazil.

"Was it nice there?"

The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on:

This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see - so you've never been to

Brazil?"

As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump.

DAD! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU

WON'T BELIEVE

WHAT IT'S DOING!"

Rose came walking toward them as fast as she could.

"Out of the way, you," she said, pushing Harry out of the way. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened - one second, Rose was leaning right up close to the glass, the next, she had leapt back with howls of horror.

Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.

As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come... Thanksss, amigo."

The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.

"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"


	4. Chapter 4

Harry groaned as he stumbled in.

"Okay there?" asked Sirius

"Fine" mumbled harry "I may have gotten Rose trapped in a snake cage at the zoo"

"With the-"

"No, the snake got out first. But Uncle Vernon said that I was to stay with you from now on."

"Very well then. Professor Vissarionovich will give you some books to read so you know all about Wizarding Culture. "

Harry groaned as he walked out of the garden and down the road to Professor Vissarionovich's house, passing the Burrow and the Rook on the way. He stilled the impulse to shiver. The Rook –and the capital letters refused to be lowercase- was a menacing, tall, castle-like shape on the top of the nearby hill. Luna and Sola sometimes came to the sessions, and it was clear that Xenophilius must have some hold upon the professor, as the first time they had turned up, an unfamiliar, fleeting expression of terror crossed his face.

When he arrived, the Weasley's, the Longbottom's, the Malfoy's, the damn Lovegood's, the Patil's, and young Vissarionovich were lining up outside. Harry joined Ron and Ginny, who were talking, and whispered "What's he doing today?"

Vissarionovich, speak of the unholy satanic demon, appeared at the door, and in his softly spoken voice he said "Come in."

"You of course know of the 13 great Wizarding schools, Mahoutokoro in Japan, Stalitza and Koldovstoretz in Russia, Durmstrang in Bulgaria, Beauxbatons in France, Uagadou in Uganda, Ilvermorny in North America, Castelobruxo in Brazil, Hogwarts in Britain, Xuexiao and Mofa in China, Jadosnuri in Georgia and Sihir in Indonesia.

You know of the Avarga Pobeditel, in which 7 students from each of the 13 schools are selected to compete in a battle for survival in the Mongolian steppes, which has been won by a non-Russian school only seven times, and the seven years' war between Mahoutokoro and Mofa over the Maruk islands, the seventeen years war between Hogwarts and Beauxbatons, and the war of smert between Ilvermorny and the Possiya alliance, which consisted of Stalitza and Koldovstoretz.

The 20th century was a time of great upheaval for the magical world. For the first time, muggles could match some magical powers with their technology. Several dictators were toppled with the Ninel wand revolution, and another three houses were added to Hogwarts after the Yelsom rebellion- yes Ginny?"

"What's the Yelsom rebellion?"

"Anyone? Neville, explain."

Neville gulped and stammered "Yelsom was a man who supported Grindlewald. He became embittered by his placement in Slytherin, as his family disowned him. The board of directors decided that negative associations came with certain houses, and changed the houses to Gryfindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Dragonwing, Thestbite, Eagletalon, and Bearpaw."

"Good. "Said the professor. "Open your textbooks to page 12 and read about the Sakiv crisis.

Harry opened the book and looked down.

 _The wizarding world was severely divided over the issue of intervention and civilian power over governments. Soon the UWC (United Wizarding Countries) and the IW (International Wizengamot) would devolve into fierce debates, but before that, the Sakiv crisis would come to a head._

 _Since 2005, Wizarding Sakiv, a small country located between the muggle countries of Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine, had descended into civil war between the 'Russi', 'Ukra', 'Bela, and 'Sak' factions, which respectively wanted to join Russia, Belarus, Ukraine, or remain independent In the name of preserving peace, the brutal dictator of Southern America sent in his aurors. Thousands died, the muggle world remained blissfully unaware of the deaths of thousands. The Northern American dictator then invaded Sakiv from the other direction. This led to_

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"How is this useful?" asked Ginny. Harry tried to hide a smirk. Ginny was new to the class, and had not had the history talk before.

"Young lady, tell me, when Hitler invaded the Soviet Union in June 1941, do you think that he might have paid better attention in his history class? When muggle leaders took the lie of the gender wage gap being as prominent as it is, do you think that they should have paid better attention in maths?

"Actually-"

"Vietnam, Afghanistan, Ukraine, Syria. I haven't even started on wizarding failures yet. Shall we continue?"

"But sir, the-"

"Silence! You will pay attention, because, and I promise you this, when the boy-who-lived over there is fighting Voldemort, you and the others in this room will be aiding him. Shared experiences, knowledge, culture. If you have to convince Sakiv, or France, or Russia, or Germany, or any other country that they need to help you against Voldemort, you must be able to pull on their past experiences with dark lords!"

The professor's dark brown eyes bored into Harry. Harry tried not to swallow, or breathe.

"That's enough, Vladimir!" came a voice from the doorway.

The professor whipped round, saw the expression on Sirius face, glared back, and quickly dismissed the class.

"I'm telling, you broke it!"

"No, you did!"

The dulcet tones of the Patil twins floated across the dry, dusty pathway which Harry was walking on. Vladimir had never seemed so angry before. Something had set him off, and Harry would find out.

"Ron, I've got an idea…"

 **So, um, yeah, this is me, doing my first note at the end of my first story! I apologise for inadvertently copying every fanfic I've ever read, and nicking ideas here there and everywhere. Feel free to comment and review, and before you get annoyed about Vissarionovich moaning about the gender wage gap, that does not reflect my beliefs, just his.**

 **Okay?**

 **Right, then…**

 **What have I forgotten…?**

 **Oh, yeah**

 **Disclaimer: I (unfortunately and with my deepest regret) announce that I do not own Harry potter.**

 **Otherwise it wouldn't be here.**

 **But anyhow, I should probably say that my update schedule is once a month or two. So not very frequent.**

 **The Thestral**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter**

"He's coming!"

"Then shut up and hide!" hissed harry

The two boys scrambled around, desperately hunting for a place to hide as the footsteps and conversation came closer. As the key entered the lock, Harry quickly crammed himself into a cupboard and Ron hid under a desk.

"Come in, Lucius."

"I am here to talk about your-"

"I know"

"Then you know what you have to teach. But don't be overt. The dark lord wants a generation of… understanding children."

"I know. If I may, when can I see Svetlana?"

"When your job is complete. I want a sample by the end of this month or I'll take more insurance."

"How is the proposal coming along?"

"Hah, our support is solid but unseen. It will be passed with little opposition and it will cause few difficulties as the current situation is ineffective."

"Just say it plain, Voldemort wants willing converts in easy chunks."

The sound of a loud smack filled the room.

"Don't say the name!"

The door slammed. A sigh was sighed and the door was opened and closed.

Harry came out of the cupboard and looked at Ron. Ron wordlessly pointed at the paper that he had been reading.

 **September: I start my job as magical theory teacher.**

 **Students to watch out for:**

 **P-EHB**

 **H-HB**

 **W-EHB**

 **Pt's-PB**

 **Hermione-MB**

 **D-PB**

 **L's-HBr**

 _What does any of that mean?_ Wondered harry, just as Ron said it.

"Well, the main way of cataloguing wizarding descent is by-"

"Blood purity"

"Exactly. MB is probably Muggleborn, PB pure-blood, HB half-blood. But –"

"The L's have an r after the HB, this Peter and W have an E before the HB."

"How does he know if a student is a muggleborn? I thought only the headmaster is privy to that."

"I dunno, but-"

Harry looked in frozen terror at Ron as footsteps once again came down the path. They clambered out the back window and ran.

"Before you enter, I will inform all of you about the new system. There are once again only four houses, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw. The sorting hat will sing to you anyway, but I want to make it clear that just because you are in a different hose, you cannot be friends. There will be no prejudice on houses here, am I clear?"

50 voices of assent filed the corridor.

"Good. In you go."

Harry and his yearmates nervously crept into the great hall. McGonagall stood next to an old wizened hat, and unfurled an equally old and yellowed scroll.

"Abbott, Hannah! "

HUFFLEPUFF!

"Bones, Susan!"

RAVENCLAW!

This continued. A terry boot went to Ravenclaw, and a lavender brown ended up in Gryffindor.

"Granger, Hermione"

Ron and harry looked at each other and at the brown haired witch sitting on the stool.

"2 knuts against" murmured harry

"You're on" muttered Ron back

"GRYFFINDOR"

"Dammit" muttered Harry

Behind them, Josef flicked their ears.

"Pay attention!"

And sure enough, soon their was a call of

"Potter, Harry!"

Exited murmuring filled the hall.

"Really Potter-"

"I heard that-"

"Only a baby"

"Course, some say-"

Harry nervously walked up the steps, his stomach churning and hands sweaty.

 _Now then, -ooh, a black, haven't had one of those in a while, but so Slytherin and it matches, but the loyalty is so Hufflepuff. But there is the-_

 _Get on with it_ thought harry

 _Oh, all right then, better be_

GRYFFINDOR!

Harry joined the long, red and gold coloured table and endured the cheering and back pounding. Slowly the line of students went down

"Lovegood, Luna!"

RAVENCLAW!

"Lovegood, Selene!"

SLYTHERIN!

"Patil, Padma"

GRYFFINDOR

"Patil, Parvati"

RAVENCLAW

And eventually,

"Weasley, Ronald!"

GRYFFINDOR!

Harry smiled and congratulated Ron on entering Gryffindor.

As they entered the common room, they heard a rather bossy voice behind them say:

"You know, this was the first common room to be built in Hogwarts."

Ron looked at Harry and muttered "I think a Ravenclaw walked into the wrong room"

Harry tried to conceal his snort of laughter as he turned round and said "Hello."

A bushy haired girl looked at him. _Oh Merlin_ thought harry _she's already got a book_

"And, did you know that-"

"Hey, Harry" interrupted Ron quickly, saving Harry from having to talk to the know-it-all behind them "Did you get Dumbledore in the frog cards?"  
"Frog cards?" questioned the girl behind them "What are they?"

Harry passed over his Dumbledore card.

 _ALBUS DUMBLEDORE, 1920-2005_

 _HEADMASTER OF HOGWARTS 1954-2003, Minister for Magic 2003-2005_

 _Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the Dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945, for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood, his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flame, and his duel with He-who-must-not-be-named, in which he was slain defending a group of magical babies. Professor Dumbledore enjoyed chamber music and ten-pin bowling. His statue in the wizarding village of Godric's Hollow is visited by many wizards and witches each year. In his life, He was a famous advocate for international wizarding cooperation against the many uprisings in multiple wizarding countries in the years 1984-2005._

"Well," said the bossy girl's voice, " _I've_ never heard of him, and I've read _Modern Magical History_ and _The rise and fall of the dark lords_ and _Great wizarding events of the twentieth and twenty first centuries_ , and he's not mentioned in any of them _"_

"Well" replied Ron morosely, "You wouldn't see him there. Rita Skeeter drugged his Aunt to high heaven and coaxed out several nasty secrets about him. He's been turned into a champion of blood purity, can you believe it!"

"Blood purity? What's that?" asked the girl, but by that point they had reached the common room, and the prefects were telling everyone to go to bed

"I'm Hermione, by the way" said the girl, who had entered the Great Hall shortly after them and had sat down opposite. "And you never did tell me what blood purity was, and Lavender is an _idiot_ and Padma went silent when I asked about it, so I was wondering- "

Harry and Ron sat there, silently eating as she prattled on for a good few minutes. She was only silenced by Professor McGonagall coming up behind them and saying loudly "First years! Your first lesson is Magical culture, follow me please!"

As they got up, Ron muttered to Harry, "I think our new friend is about to find out what blood ridiculousness is"

 **So chapter 5, about 10 times as long as every other chapter that I've written is finally up, because I stuck to my once a month upload schedule**

 ***nervous giggles***

 **Well, chapter 6 should be up soon (read: a year or two), and I hope you enjoy!**


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